Tanji's Loss

~*~*~*~*~

June 2001

Tanji awoke to a scalding heat, burning and undeniable. Unable to breathe he stumbled from the bed and went to the bathroom, dousing his face with cold water. It was so hot, like all the heaters in the apartment were blasting, and yet the burning wasn’t from the outside…

It was from within him.

He was trembling, panting in desperation for a clear breath as he glanced up at the mirror. Tanji could see clearly in the darkness, but he raised his hand anyway to be sure, grazing fingers across the smoothness of his forehead… something he’d never done in his entire life. This time there was nothing but bangs… nothing there at all… just smooth skin save for the minute scar across his right temple that had always been there as well.

The Jagan was gone.

Tanji stumbled back from the mirror, planting his palm into the reflection. The mirror broke into shards, clattering like a million tiny bells into the sink, the counter, onto the floor. His back hit the bathroom door, slamming it back against the wall with a jarring thud. His mind sought desperately for that presence he suddenly realized was missing, that link to the space the phoenix’s consciousness occupied. His hands went to his shoulders, searching for that familiar writhing heat just beneath his flesh.

The phoenix was gone too!?

There were tears sliding down his cheeks. He couldn’t tell what emotion had invoked them… fear… anger… sadness…

Joy?

“Tanji?” Kino’s voice, the light from the bedroom spilling into the hallway just to his right as he huddled there against the bathroom door.

The heat was too much, his Youkai magic, for long suppressed into controlling the Jagan and phoenix, was now rearing a fiery and roaring head from deep within him. He heard the bathroom door begin to pop and sizzle against his flesh.

Tanji leapt to his feet, darting around Kino and into the bedroom for an instant, snatching up a shirt and his sword before racing down the hallway to the front door. The lock offered him a little resistance, but then he was free to the cool night air, racing barefoot down the street, barely realizing where he was going.

“Tanji!!??” Kino called out after him, but he was already too far to hear her.

~*~*~*~*~

Kino blinked up at the tall arches of the Temple’s front gate, wrapping her jacket tighter around her. It wasn’t for lack of warmth, she had plenty of that on her own, it was the impending sense of dread in the air. Tanji had passed this way. Of course, it made sense that in a panic Tanji would flee back to a place that was comforting to him, somewhere that could resolve those fears.

He had looked afraid, at least what little she had seen of him before he’d vanished from their apartment, very much like a panicked animal. And to leave home with no shoes, no jacket, no real pants even, just enough sense to grab a shirt and his sword. Well, that did sound like something Tanji would do.

Yotaka caught her eye from the tea room’s side door, motioning her to come. When Kino approached her surrogate mother nodded toward the eastern garden, “He’s at the cliffs. He wanted me to hold him… and I did for as long as I could shield his magic, but it got to be too much for me.”

Kino blinked. Tanji’s magic too much for Yotaka to ward? She bowed respectfully and hurried down the path to the cliffs. She found Tanji by his presence in the darkness, laying sideways upon a large stone with his back to the temple. His sword was laying nearby on another stone, his shirt pinned beneath it and making quiet noises in the wind.

His back… in the moonlight it was pale flesh and nothing more… no reds or yellows, no subtle motions beneath the surface, just flawless pale skin. How in all the worlds could the phoenix be gone, she had to ask herself. Had it left him? No, that spirit companion would only leave upon his death, it was bonded to him for life unless banished by someone of the Phoenix Clan, she knew that. And as far as she knew there were no Phoenix Clan youkai left alive.

Kino found herself just standing there at the tree line, gazing down the slope of that terraced part of the garden, the stony outcroppings, the jagged shadows in the darkness. She couldn’t recall Tanji ever liking this place, she knew she didn’t, it was too chilling, that brisk wind whipping against the cliffs without the protection of trees. It made someone feel so… vulnerable.

He knew she was there, he had to know. She had found him by sensing his presence, it went both ways, she didn’t know how to shield herself in any way. Still she forced herself to take another step, as if to insist upon him the fact she was there.

“Leave me… ‘lone… please,” his voice was tight with such emotion it brought tears to her eyes.

“I don’t think you being alone could help anything… Tanji, please,” she took another step forward, wincing at the sudden blast of heat, like a palpable wall she’d struck. Kino stepped back out of reflex, blinking in confusion.

“Angel… I can’t control it… I’ll hurt you.”

“Nonsense,” Kino argued stubbornly, her sharp mind having realized the problem. If he’d lost the phoenix, then that much fire ki was no longer needed to bind the spirit creature, which meant it was free. Obviously since he’d never been without the phoenix, he’d never had that problem before and wouldn’t know how to deal with it. “You can’t hurt me… like that.”

She dared several more steps forward, walking boldly through that barrier. By the gods he was right, it was almost too much for her immediately. Kino felt herself break out into a sweat, trembling and trying to shield herself. She’d never known such a small little body could contain so much raw power.

“I don’t wanna hurt you… please… go,” Tanji was crying, she could hear it in his tone… so scared…

“I don’t want to,” she answered softly, but was forced to step back to that safe distance, as much as she hated it. It was so far away, so far she’d never be able to get close enough to touch him like she wanted to.

“Please angel,” he begged.

“I’ll be near… if you need me, I promise, Tanji. I love you,” Kino took a few more steps backwards, praying he would turn and look at her before she went.

“Ai shiteru, tenshi,” Tanji answered with a whisper the wind carried to her ears.

He never turned… and so she left.



Kino trudged back up the path to the tea room, arms tight around her, tears in her eyes, shaking and feeling horrible about having left him. She’d just left him out there in the darkness, laying on cold stone. Yotaka beckoned her inside, offering her a cup of tea which she politely declined.

“Did he say what happened?” Kino asked softly, gazing teary-eyed at the floor.

Yotaka sighed, sitting there cross-legged on the floor and looking so small herself… so frail. “Only that he awoke to the fire, missing the Jagan and the Phoenix.”

“And the Jagan?” Kino blinked several times, looking up.

Yotaka nodded slowly, sadly. “I can’t imagine how, he’s had them both since he was born, unless some sort of magic has been worked upon him… but for what purpose?”

“He’s defenseless…”

“No my girl, his youkai powers would defend him quite well, even if only by reflex and instinct, and honestly that makes him even more dangerous. No one meaning to do him harm would do this.”

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Kino scowled.

“I’ll make up a bed in your old room, set a pot of tea in the library,” Yotaka stood up slowly, surprising Kino that she’d perceived what the girl was planning on doing, which of course she shouldn’t have been surprised at all.

“You probably won’t have to bother with the bed,” Kino spoke to herself, squaring her shoulders in a most determined way.

~*~*~*~*~

Tanji opened his eyes to the sunrise, shifting against the stone he was laying on like he had a hundred times each minute of the night, moving back to a cool spot. All his life he’d always felt so cold… how ironic every fiber of his being was now burning despite some of the heat dissipating into the rock.

He would have preferred a tree at least, however nothing but stone was lasting very long around him at the moment. Stone and steel, he reached to where his sword was resting, the feel of it beneath his fingers comforting. Wearing the shirt, even that loose and thin tank top had been suffocating. He had visions of his shorts he was wearing falling to ashes and he laughed, shifting onto his back to gaze at the lightening sky.

It was so lonely without the phoenix. That consciousness may have been so terribly annoying at times, but now he really missed it. True the damn beast had tortured his body his entire life, left him small and unhealthy, sick a good half of the time, drained away his inherent powers, teased him with its memories… and on and on. Even with all that, still he wanted it back.

And the Jagan. Gone was the forward-sight, the aura-perception, those really fun blasts that could make nifty skylights. His overall presence sensing was also inhibited, reduced to something of a natural youkai or Jujin influence. He still had his memory at least, and the telepathy.

In their place was this raging inferno of youkai magic, the volume of sheer raw and uncontrollable ki threatening to consume his own flesh. This was far more than any fever, probably explaining why he felt so strange, oooh yeah there went another fried brain cell he couldn’t really spare. Tanji snickered, moving again, back to watching the sunrise. It wasn’t overly pretty, he remembered far grander, and probably seeming so dull to him now because he was missing half his sight.

More than half his sight, more than half his being. The phoenix had been half of him, sharing his flesh, his power, his mind, even his senses. Oh yes that firebird saw through his eyes, how else could it know everything he knew. It shared his mind, and the senses were nothing more than electrical pulses in the brain. They had shared everything for sixteen years.

“Damn firebird where did you go,” Tanji sighed.

He had thought all night about this. There had been so many times when he’d wished he didn’t have those burdens, that his magic could be his alone, that his mind and his body didn’t need to be shared by those ‘gifts’.

He’d been wrong. So. Very. Wrong. They weren’t burdens, they weren’t problems, they weren’t even gifts or weapons or defenses. They were him. And now they were gone, and he wanted them back.

“Firebird if you don’t come back I’ll have to change my name,” Tanji flopped back onto his back, giggling again, trying to get a hold of himself.

This was not a preferred method for killing brain cells, that was for damn sure.

He had to get control before he killed off too much IQ to think rationally enough to get control. Tanji drug himself into sitting up, sitting cross-legged there on the stone and taking a deep breath. The wind hitting his face was so comforting, chilling. He closed his eyes and tried gathering the ki…

~*~*~*~*~

Kino rubbed her eyes and blinked at the clock on the library wall, sighing and settling back down into the blankets. It was time to go to school. What a silly thought, it was summer, and still she couldn’t break herself of that habitual thought of needing to get up and go to school.

This was the sixth day she’d remained at the temple, and she wasn’t about to stop in this pursuit. Yotaka had given her every single notebook and tome and scroll the temple possessed. Most of them were on Makai since that was the world the Temple dealt with the most, Reikai was so damn secretive and the Jujin just kept to themselves mostly.

She had beside her a fresh and warm pot of tea and a cup Yotaka had brought her, like all the times before, and a plate of things to eat if she wanted. She nibbled, very carefully, making sure not to get any of the papers dirty. As determined as she was to find something, anything, she knew studying was best done with a clear head, not a starved and dehydrated body.

Kino waited a little while longer, reading a tome with crackled and yellow pages written in youkai, a sort of mystically written legend of sorts. Legends sometimes did have factual basis and were often metaphors. When she glanced at the time next it was nearing time for another ritual.

Every morning since the first she took Tanji a plate of food, some tea to drink and a change of clothes. She’d sit and watch him for a bit, from a painful distance, then go and shower and wander back to the library to study once more. Tanji never appeared to have moved much, always sitting there on that stone facing east with his eyes closed, meditating. She knew he did move however, because he set the partially empty plate, the tea and the dirty clothes a distance away from himself beyond that barrier around him.

Today that barrier seemed to be smaller, as if Tanji had pulled it in a little more than the days before. Kino replaced the things he’d left, noting that the food looked like at best a meager attempt at eating to not worry her. Then she wandered to her place to watch him. And if she closed her eyes she could almost remember the way his hair felt to touch…

I miss you angel, Tanji thought. Sometimes he did that, but rarely. Usually he was too deep in concentration for telepathy.

And I miss you as well. Any progress?

She felt the mental sigh that gave her an answer she didn’t want. Of course she didn’t really have anything good to answer to that sort of questioning either. Six days of study and she hadn’t even come up with a decent answer to why this had happened.

You haven’t left.

No, Tanji, I’m staying right here, she thought perhaps she heard something else… like an vague echo of a thought that he drew back from her.

You need to take care of yourself… first.

Kino shook her head, habit, No, Tanji, you need me.

Yes… I do.

Kino’s features twisted in grief, her head bowing and resting in her hands. To have him admit to needing help, to sound that pained and vulnerable, it broke her heart. She wanted so much to run to him, hold him, help him somehow, but she couldn’t. His powers… they were even too much for her to control – for all her power and training and intelligence she couldn’t help him.

She gathered the things to take them back to the temple, slipping to the path that would take her there. You need to eat more, she scolded gently, waiting for a long time without a reply. Then slowly she bowed her head and stepped quietly along the path.

~*~*~*~*~

“Enya… Dido… Moby… reading… white… blue… college,” Tanji chanted to himself, tone flat and uninflected by emotion.

He had buried emotion deep, trying to concentrate solely on the power, on feeling it, grasping it, reigning it back. Little by little it was working. But of course his mind was a flittering, hyperactive thing, running through memories. In burying conscious emotions they were resurfacing in a subconscious manner he was slowly becoming aware of. It always happened, he could never keep them down long, and then he would lose control again.

Her thoughts flitted through consciousness as well, stolen months ago during that accidental invasion of her memories. They were so intermingled with his in this meditative state he could barely sort them apart.

After all these years, his mood swings were still surprising as ever...

A little smile touched Tanji’s lips as he was soothed by the small amount of nervous affection that was attached to that thought. He was so moody, so unreliable, never finding constancy in anything. Nothing in his life was still or quiet.

The sound of the temple bells rang through ears that were not physical. He could recall them, at the same time, how those bells had sounded to Kino as she had rung them, and how they had sounded to him down in the Gate Chamber.

Well, maybe that was her wake up call...

New Year’s bells, according to legend that when rung the ringer could be cleansed of earthly desires and granted wishes. Foolishness, he’d always believed, and yet every year he’d rung them he’d made a wish. Most of them had been silly things that hadn’t really mattered.

"...rid me of my shyness and pride,” Kino’s voice answered the bells, her wish for this year. But he loved her shyness, that blush that touched her skin so beautifully. He didn’t know why…

"I'm sure you're everything your father wanted."

“Noboru… am I everything you wanted?” Tanji’s emotionless tone spoke back to the memory. Of course he didn’t get an answer. What had she to keep a secret? Everything. She kept almost everything a secret.

“The phoenix had all my secrets… now… will I ever find them out?” he asked himself softly, his voice shifting to something almost sad.

“We all have our masks... I do too...”

"Uhhh... um... eccentric, yes... energetic, very... but crazy? As in... insane? I really don't think so."

You don’t know how much that meant to me. So few bother to tell me I’m not crazy, and even those I can’t believe. But you I can believe. I trust you.

“My curse, to forever care about regulations set by authorities”

But you care angel, that’s all that matters. You really care about things, I envy that. I spent so much of my life not caring about anything, such a waste…

So...he's letting go completely? Changing before my very eyes...

I’m trying, I really am trying. It’s so hard though… give me time.

"You don't always mess things up, Tanji, you're just a little impulsive..."

Tanji wasn't a coward...

I’m not? Angel, if you believe in me, I can do anything.

"It would be nice if things were simple. Things are only like that when you're little, though..."

"I would do anything... for a simple moment of holding you... just the two of us," Tanji remembered his own voice, the feel of her hair against his lips, the scent of her all around him. "Nothing else is so... sacred to me."

Something different, not within memory, but another consciousness invading upon his thoughts, a very familiar and comforting sensation. Yotaka-san, his beloved surrogate mother, from a distance but still so strong.

Whenever something happens and you’re afraid, and think you aren’t going to make it… be sure to hold onto one another. Then she slipped away, as if she’d never been there.

A sharp turn on a morning drive landing him against her slender, heated form, her warmth so enticing, her scent so delicious he’d been unable to think of much else the entire ride.

She hadn't ever noticed just how red his eyes were...

And yours are such a perfectly beautiful amber, each of us a color of fire.

A simple dare, something so small and innocent… just a kiss, Tanji, just a little kiss, if she kills you for it, you’ll die happy. You were never afraid of death anyway.

'Please, let him come to his senses and just say no...'

But I am afraid of death now… because she’s holding onto me, she’s hugging me, she’s kissing me, not because of a dare, because she wants to. Does she… maybe… could she? Could anyone… love me?

"...I don't want to be alone anymore."

I can’t die, she doesn’t want to be alone. I can’t leave her alone. She spoke these words to me, just for me. She wants to be with me.

"I'm just... confused… but I think... I think that maybe I... that I...love you."

She does… she loves me. The one I’ve been searching for, the one I dreamt about, that fleeing fire in my dreams I could never catch. She was right there the whole time… Why did it take me so long to see her? Where had my eyes been all those years? Was my darkness so consuming, my depression so deep?

It was nice to lean on him, alone...nothing else bothering them.

If such a creature as this can love me, how could I have believed my existence was worthless. It must have worth if she loves me… it must… because she can’t be wrong… she’s my match.

"I think we'll share this day. Our day? Forever?"

"I will always be with you."

Forever… always. Yes, my angel, my match, we’ve always been together, we just couldn’t see it. Even before, ages ago, we were together, I feel it. We are one spirit, one magic, one love.

She loved the way he held her...

I will always hold you. You’ve opened my heart… I’ll hold you there now… you’ll always be there. I never knew I had a heart. Thank you. I can only pray that this unused and frail heart can sustain all the love I have for you.

"Some things that are... wonderful... need time."

It took me so long to see you angel… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. But you’re right, it’s okay, because now is our time, and we can see now, both of us together. The darkness is gone and I can see like I never have before. We belong to one another, to our love, our one love, together forever.

~*~*~*~*~

Kino looked up from her writing to the library door, smiling meekly at Kesu, striding into the room with a few more dirty tomes and scrolls. “Got these from a dealer in Saitennin.”

“Got?”

“Hey, it’s not like I’ve kept a great deal of Makai currency… and I’m not about to get a job there,” Kesu defended with a wink.

“You’re as bad as Tyger,” Kino scowled.

The silver kitsune smiled and settled down on a cushion across from her, setting the books and papers on the table between them. “Nah, she’s worse. I just steal because I have to. Well… now anyway.”

“You used to steal for fun.”

“Ooooh yes,” Kesu nodded firmly, still beaming. “And it was great fun… we’d sneak in there and snatch something, didn’t really care what, just to rile them up, jibe at them and then run like holy heck.”

“You miss that life,” Kino perceived.

Kesu sighed, managing to cling to a little bit of happiness as the serious subject change chased away the rest. “Sometimes… okay most of the time. But just a little while longer… I can feel it.”

“And then what?” Kino asked as if she didn’t really care, tracing a finger over a lovely Makai text.

“Have my power back, be Kesu again,” the kitsune shrugged. “I love my mother and my sisters, of course… but still…” he sighed.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to bring up such a painful topic.”

“Hey it’s fine… it’s something I gotta deal with, it’ll just take time. And with one more year of school, which is only going to be half a day… maybe I’ll get a job, help out my mother with things before I move out or something.”

“I heard LanEise moved from here.”

“Yes, right into those one bedroom places around the block from you. It was actually his idea I get a job, so we’re going to go to the mall together sometime soon. Yotaka gave him some money, paid his bills up front for a bit until he gets settled, but then he’s on his own.”

“Kind of scary… that Koorime running loose in Tokyo,” Kino smirked to herself.

Kesu made an amused little sound, but that faded into silence. That silence stretched in something tense and uncomfortable. She didn’t know why he was still there, he usually brought her something and left. But he was still there. Finally Kino blinked up at him in question, watching him fidget under her gaze.

“I… I’ve wanted to give you something for a few years now… guess I never found the right time,” Kesu bowed his head, reaching into his shirt pocket.

The kitsune pulled out a pouch of silken material, about the size of his palm, setting it on the table and sliding it toward her. Kino reached forward and curiously unwrapped it, unveiling a beautifully shining jewel inset in silver youkai runes. The dark red gem shifted in the light, revealing a lighter flaming phoenix shape in the center.

“It’s what the Phoenix Clan used to call a phoenix to protect a… well someone they wanted protected, a Phoenix Talisman. The ummm… incantation in the runes, it’s written in the forgotten language of the clan,” he pointed to the delicate silver around the stone. “Only a member of the clan can use the power.”

“Do you know the language?” Kino looked up to see him shake his head. “Why give this to me?”

Kesu shrugged, trying to look casual about it, but there was a severe nervousness that just wasn’t explainable. “My Master gave it to me…”

“Then you should keep it,” Kino tried to push it back across the table, but Kesu stayed her hand, shaking his head again.

“He’s been gone a long time, I spent my mourning for him. This… means nothing to me now,” the kitsune traced the runes with a slender finger.

“I can see you’re lying… there’s a great emotion in your eyes, a sadness.”

“You’re right,” Kesu braved a smile, “but not about what that sadness concerns. My worry now is not for the past, but for the future, which is why I want you to have it.”

“Your worry for Tanji?” Kino arched a delicate eyebrow.

Kesu mused for a moment on how to answer her, “Not really, Tanji can take care of himself, but just something… and a bit of a promise.”

Kino sat up a little straighter, trying to figure out what the kitsune was saying. Kesu with that damn mystical tone, she knew he was hiding something, and yet he was telling the truth in some ways. She hated it when he did that, left her wondering. Abruptly she was startled from her thoughts by a small figure in the open doorway, a contrast of pale skin and black that was unmistakable.

Kino jumped to her feet, thudding a book to the floor and not even noticing, “Tanji!?”

Tanji looked up slowly, his eyes wide and frightened and overflowing with tears.

“Tanji… what’s wrong?” Kino skirted around the table to get to him.

“Yotaka… is dead.”

~*~*~*~*~

Whenever something happens…

Kino buried herself against Tanji’s warmth, encircled by his strong arms, avoiding even the barest glance at the body Kesu was enshrouding in burial wraps. They had found Yotaka in the temple proper, having fallen while kneeling at the altar, and carried her to her room to attend to the body in private. So Tanji and Kino stood to one side entwined, while Kesu performed most of the chore himself. The kitsune didn’t mind at all, in fact he’d said something about returning her a favor she’d once done for him.

…and you’re afraid…

“She asked that her body be burned at sunset, her ashes set free on a wind to encompass the garden… and such will be done,” Kesu spoke softly. “Her body will be burned upon the stones of the eastern garden and I will lift her remains to scatter. Anyone who wishes can be there… and anyone can speak.”

“Damn… and I had my money on old gran being immortal,” Ty slipped in the door, making Kino glance up.

“Tyger… please,” Kino scolded with none of her usual ferocity, just a soft, emotionally exhausted pleading.

“Tanji, will you have something to speak?” Kesu looked up from the body.

Tanji nodded slightly, “If I find my strength.”

… and think you aren’t going to make it…

Kino turned her head, pressing her face against Tanji’s shoulder and squeezing her eyes shut. She desperately wanted to hear what Tanji was thinking, but he was keeping his thoughts from her. Perhaps he thought they would upset her, but she couldn’t see how she could be more upset, really, and she didn’t want to think she was alone. Just a little thought, one little thought.

He hadn’t said much of anything either, but he held her, as strong as he ever was, as supportive and loving and tender. He was hiding back within that shield, though, acting like nothing was bothering him.

…be sure to hold onto one another.

“Who’s gonna like… run the Gate thingie?” Ty, trying to be practical in Kino’s stead, and failing miserably.

Kesu stood, having finished preparing the body. The room was fragrant with some sort of essence he’d used, it was beautiful. “I’ll assume Keeper of the Temple until I can counsel with Reikai on the matter.”

“Can you?” Kino asked meekly.

Kesu smiled at the barest sliver of her eyes she’d offered to his view, “It’s true I’m not at full power yet, but I’m sure Reikai will understand the severity of this danger and act quickly.”

“Danger?” Tyger quirked an eyebrow, levitating slightly against the corner.

…be sure to hold onto one another.

Kesu turned to regard her, nodding solemnly. “Yes, without Yotaka’s protection, her wards have fallen, all the safe locks placed about the Gate are no more and I cannot restore them. Anyone from Jujin or Makai with enough power could more easily come through now than any other time… with perhaps an army.”

…be sure to hold onto one another.

“Then we… get to fight,” Ty shrugged.

…hold onto one another.

“Against even a portion of the Shadow Clan we would not stand a chance,” Kino wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, glancing at Tanji’s vacant expression.

…hold onto one another.

“Tanji?” Kesu noticed the falter, the subtle tremor, and moved swiftly forward, catching Tanji as the world spun and went black.

~*~*~*~*~

Even in sleep, despite his own best efforts of thrashing and tossing about, Tanji still managed to return to clinging to Kino. So she stayed there in bed, she’d stayed there ever since Kesu had brought him back to their apartment and laid him down. Kesu had stayed for a few moments, but had then hurried back to the temple, worried, despite the fact that if anything did happen… well that was too horrible to think about. Either way, he had to badger Reikai.

Kino sighed and laid her head on her arm, laying there on her side, watching Tanji go through another fit of thrashing. He desperately needed the sleep, she doubted he’d slept much out in that garden on those stones. She needed sleep as well, she knew that, but with Yotaka’s funeral ceremony in a few hours…

She thought she saw Tanji’s eyes open slightly, reaching over to brush her fingers through his bangs, naturally tracing a touch where the jagan used to be. What had it offered him that was no more? Was he different now, especially without the phoenix? That had been a separate being… certainly sharing his mind with its consciousness had affected some part of his personality.

Tanji whimpered and curled up a little more, then fell still for another moment, but his breathing had changed to signal he was awake. Kino ran the backs of her fingers down his cheek, finally succeeding in getting him to open his eyes for a moment. Then he just sighed and closed them again.

“Guess… time to get up,” he whispered, his scratchy throat unable to support anymore volume than that.

“Should get ready soon, yes, but you can rest a little more,” Kino wanted to hold him, but she also wanted to just stay where she was and watch him. She was concerned about this… personality issue. Not that she’d ever love him any less, he was still Tanji, but would she be left wanting something now gone?

“I was stupid.”

“What?” Kino blinked, tucking strands of black behind his ear.

“My whole life I been sayin I wanted them gone, cuz they ate up all my power and left me… so cold… my whole life. Hated that cold, always…”

“But you know better now.”

Tanji opened his eyes slowly, “Now is a lil late.”

Kino sighed, moving closer to kiss the bridge of his nose, “You’ll get them back.”

“Yeah?”

She hadn’t even believed herself when she’d said it, but somehow, Tanji believed her. He had such trust in her it brought tears to her eyes as she held him close, “Yes, Tanji. You’re a… stubborn ecchi…”

Tanji cracked a smile, nuzzling against her. “Missed you itoshii.”

“I call you… that… and you miss me?” Kino blushed in reflex, but was joking.

“Yep… an’ I’ll be stubborn bout it too,” he joked back, meekly, but the humor was there trying to surface. So what if it had failed, she really couldn’t blame him for being humorless after all this.

Kino cuddled him close, just enjoying the two of them together in that warmth for another moment. They had plenty of time. And it was so strange, him actually feeling warmer than her. He was controlling it fairly well, but not at all completely, still releasing a great deal of the heated ki to the air, far more than she did even when she was angry. Ah well, at least they’d never have any heating bill worries.

“Are you hungry? Could make something quick,” her little hand had run down his side, detecting a severe loss of weight. She hadn’t been eating extremely well herself, but such things translated to him much worse with his hummingbird-attempting metabolism.

“I’m fine, angel,” he answered softly, very aware of what she was worrying about, and knowing those worries were quite valid.

Kino sighed, pushing back his persistently falling hair, loving every time she had to do that, running her fingers through that soft darkness. She kissed his temple, holding him more than he was holding her, and that was also strange, but he needed it. What had he ever done for strength before her? What had she ever done?

She glanced wearily at the clock after a long time of just laying there holding one another. Tanji had drifted back into a half-sleep, but was easily roused by her shifting a little bit, pressing her lips against his forehead, “We need to get up.”

Tanji nodded meekly. Getting up for the reason of going to their surrogate mother’s funeral was not something looked forward to, but the love they had for her, the honor they wanted to give her, that was enough motivation. Kino shivered as Tanji pulled away, sitting at the foot of the bed and stretching out of his shirt, hitting purely by practice the laundry basket at the bottom of the closet for dirty clothes. Amber eyes wandered that pale expanse of flesh like she had before… still unable to get used to it.

Kino’s eyes followed him even as she forced herself untangled from the blankets, watching as he padded slowly to the closet. He reached far into the back, disappearing slightly and emerging again with a far more ceremonial outfit of tradition. It even had an over skirting, but as traditional as Tanji would be for Yotaka’s honor, he wasn’t going to go that far. No, let Kesu have that department, tunic was fine without overskirt as far as Tanji was concerned.

It was a beautiful light gray gi and white tunic with gray lining and sash. A flame pattern of brilliant color slashed down from the left shoulder of the tunic across the breast in a diagonal, the pattern repeating itself on the overskirt. Kesu’s was a little different, Kino remembered, the pattern reversed itself on the overskirt, and he wore a darker gray gi with it. Kino’s “official” Kiro kimono was the same white and gray with flame. She’d never seen Tanji wear anything white, never wear the proper Kiro outfit.

Somehow she tore herself away from her thoughts, her curiosities about how much if at all Tanji was different now. True that needed to be dealt with, but later, Yotaka came first – just one last time. That thought alone almost brought tears to her eyes, but she forced herself up from the bed anyway and followed Tanji to the shower.

The process was mechanical, with none of their usual fooling around – or rather ‘his’ usual fooling around. At times he’d seem almost too tired to do something himself and she’d end up helping him, and he’d sneak a little cuddle. But he was amazingly tame considering the close quarters and the wet and hot environment. Forget tame, this was just not Tanji-like.

Kino reached and shut off the water, Tanji leaning against her shoulder with arms loosely circling her waist. She gave him a tight hug, then pushed back the shower curtain and reached for a towel. Lovingly she wrapped the towel around him, pulling his hair from beneath it, gently nudging him to get him to move. She wrapped herself in another towel and guided him back to the bed. There he cuddled against her again, forehead resting against her shoulder as she dried his hair.

All this done without a word, barely a sound from either of them. Kino wanted to Tanji to tell her things would be all right, maybe joke some more, forget this was a funeral ceremony they were going to. As it was, she couldn’t think of anything to say, nothing to prod him from his silence.

Then very unexpectedly, Tanji threw his arms around her shoulders and they fell back together on the bed. Kino bit her lip not to scold. He was more than sensitive right now, she didn’t want to dare taking the chance of scaring him back into silence and inaction. She wanted to talk, to tell him how scared she was, get some kind of comfort, but she just wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes.

“Kino… I…” he stumbled over the words.

She stayed quiet, nuzzling her cheek to his, half-heartedly still drying his hair. Tanji sighed, giving up on speaking. Kino scowled, it suddenly striking her – like it had in Yotaka’s chamber earlier – that his mind was tightly sealed still. Why? Why not use that connection between them?

Tanji tore himself away from her, sitting up and reaching toward the dresser to get ready. Kino blinked at him, watching as he went to the closet and slipped slowly into the soft gray gi, fingering the tunic on the hanger, the flame pattern. She sat up a little, clutching the towel to her chest for subconscious modesty.

“What’s wrong Tanji?” Kino prodded gently.

Those ruby eyes slid from the tunic over to her, those pretty eyes that used to be so bright, that he could never stop from expressing his emotions. She had never seen so much fear and confusion. Sure Tanji often had moments of confusion, adorable cluelessness, but never mixed with this amount of raw fear.

“I… can’t describe,” a tinge of anger touched into that expression, severe frustration, a slight tremble through that wiry little form.

“Why not use… why not speak…”

Tanji shook his head, stopping her, looking away and smirking, “Itsa mess in there.”

Kino blinked, reaching toward the drawer to find he slip. “Are you afraid… I thought you could,” this was something she had trouble understanding still. She was a mere recipient of what he’d ever offered her of that power, and all she knew was that she had to concentrate to “broadcast” a thought.

Tanji pulled his hair into a ponytail, but didn’t bind it back, chewing on his lip. “I can’t… layer… they’re all mixing. It’s like all the structure is gone, catching layer three thoughts up in layer one…”

Kino pulled her slip down over her slender form, nodding. He’d explained this before, that layer one thoughts were those available to immediate mind-scan, and could possibly slip across a mental connection. When broadcasting a thought one placed what was wanting to be sent into upper level one. Of course this was done without knowing it, so few stopped to realize the mechanics of it. The layers went down, subconscious thoughts, memories, deep memories un-recallable normally, protected thoughts. It was extremely complicated and yes, structured despite being hard to understand. To have all that structure gone…

But it was all the same. It was the same memories, the same feelings, the same emotions, mentality, intelligence, the same… Tanji - right? Did it really matter as long as it was all there? Sure Tanji had some restructuring to do, no doubt about that. Dammit why was she even worried about this?

“To have all this now… why now?” Tanji leaned against the wall beside the closet, most of his face concealed by his hand. “Now… I should be strong for you.”

Kino felt tears stinging her eyes as she slipped off the bed and went to him, sliding her arms around his shoulders and nuzzling, cheek to cheek, nudging his hand away. “This affects you as much as it does me… why should I be so special, so comforted? What about you?” she pulled back a little, caressing his face with both small hands. “I wouldn’t expect you to be so… unaffected.”

Tanji turned to the side despite her touch and reached toward her kimono. Kino stopped his hand, gently gripping his wrist and bringing his hand to rest against her chest, blushing at the pleasurable sensation of that texture against her smooth skin. “Don’t, Tanji… don’t hide now, please. This is me, just me… save the defenses for later.”

Whenever something happens and you’re afraid, and think you aren’t going to make it… be sure to hold onto one another.

Kino blinked, actually hearing that thought. Or rather, that memory. Tanji suddenly wrapped his arms securely around her, closing all distance between them. He pressed his face against her neck, breathing ragged as if suppressing tears.

“That was the last… last thing… she… she....”

“Shhh, I know,” Kino closed her eyes and just held him for the longest time.

“And dammit Reikai better treat her right or I’m gonna walk right up there…”

Kino burst into teary giggles, kissing an equally teary-eyed but smiling Tanji. She reached for her kimono, but this time he stayed her hand, drawing it back and placing a kiss upon her knuckles. Then he pulled her arm back around him and kissed her lips, softly and sweetly. He brushed strands of hair out of her face.

“Ai shiteru, itoshii,” he whispered.

Kino hugged him tightly once more, “Love you too,” she nuzzled back against his cheek, sighing and just enjoying it for another moment. “We should get going.”

“It still early, angel… ah, but I know… ya gotta be early,” Tanji smiled and retrieved her outfit, lovingly helping her get dressed, running fingers through her hair.

Kino smiled and blushed, slipping his tunic over him and working the odd closures with nimble fingers, straightening it perfectly before tying the sash around his small waist. It was a beautiful outfit, she only wished he was wearing it for a less depressing reason. Tanji buttoned the sleeves, concealing every trace of the scars on his arms. They didn’t concern him as much as they used to, but just a little bit.

She reached for his sword but he just took her hand in his and gently shook his head, leading her silently out of the bedroom. Hand in hand they walked to the Temple, perfectly silent, and content in it.

~*~*~*~*~

“Sometimes I know the words to say, To give thanks for all you've done, But they fly up and away, As quickly as they come. What way is there to thank you, For your heart, your sweat, your tears, For ten thousand little things you've done, For oh-so-many years.

“For changing with me as I changed, Accepting all my flaws, Not loving 'cause you had to, But loving "just because." And so I come to realize, The only way to say, The only thank you that's enough, Is clear in just one way.

“All your hopes and all your dreams, The strength that no one sees, A transfer over many years, Your best was passed to me. Thank you for the gifts you give, For everything you do, But thank you, kaasan, most of all, For making dreams come true.”

Kino stepped forward from the rest of those gathered in the eastern garden, standing across from Tanji, Yotaka’s body wrapped and laid upon the stone between them. Others had spoken, Tanji had been the last. Now it was time to finish it. Tanji outstretched his hand, palm down hovering just over Yotaka’s chest. Kino stretched out her hand, sliding it atop his. Together they created a fire that was quickly consuming the body as they stepped back to the crowd.

The sun had set, leaving nothing but the light of the fire and the moonlight. In the flickering light, Kino noticed from the corner of her eye as a figure moved and went to Kesu’s side. Amadeus. Good, Kesu had looked like he needed someone to lean on at the moment. Kino laid her head back down on Tanji’s shoulder, eyes reflecting the fire that danced along the remains of her surrogate mother.

The only parentage she’d ever known, being reduced to ashes. And of course she was upset, but oddly, not severely so. There was a strange peace over the crowd. Reikai had certainly best take care of that sacred spirit for their own best interest, or they’d have a mass of really upset Kiro kids banging on the Judgment Gates.

The crowd dispersed slightly, leaving only a few of them remaining when the fires had completely burned themselves out. Kesu tore himself from Deus’ embrace to stride toward the stone. He spread his hands over the ashes, making patterns in the air, causing the ashes to dance and rise as he lifted his arms over his head. The ashes lifted upon the breeze, scattering beautifully in the moonlight.

Kino sighed, turning to look at the rest that had stayed. Tyger and Lane, standing apart, but close to one another, Deus to whom Kesu returned to, and another figure further in the darkness. She, no he, was the first to start back up the path to the tea room. Kino slipped over to Kesu, towing Tanji behind her, getting his attention with a touch on the arm and nodding toward the retreating form.

“Who’s that?”

“Him? That’s Obliette. Reikai sent him to keep the wards and safe locks in place. I’m temporary Keeper, he’s here for magical… backup,” Kesu explained softly.

“So the Gate’s protected again?” Kino answered the unnecessary question just to make sure. At least Reikai had acted quickly on one account. “What is he? He looks almost… ancient Egyptian.”

Kesu shrugged, “Evidently some sort of minor god, could be, some gods of forgotten religions seek work elsewhere.”

“Heh, divine unemployment,” Ty snickered as she passed by.

Kino scowled at her, but said nothing as they all moved quietly to the tea room.

~*~*~*~*~

Kino awoke feeling sick, blinking immediately to where she’d had her arm draped over Tanji when she’d finally gotten him to sleep, vacant by now of course. It had been a week since Yotaka’s death. Despite that odd lingering feeling of peace, Kino was still hurting. She felt sick a lot, cried and slept far too much, barely leaving the bed much less the apartment.

Tanji however, never seemed to stay in bed. Nightmares kept him wandering about the house both day and night, at any time he tried to sleep, and the sleep deprivation was taking a worse toll on his mind than not eating did upon his body. A mind as fragmented as his was at the moment needed rest and restructuring. If she had never before had a reason to think Tanji insane, she now did, which just made her feel sicker and cry more because she couldn’t help him.

She forced herself out of bed, cradling her stomach and fighting that sick feeling. She needed Tanji, and he needed her. Kino remembered the very first night they’d stayed here, their new home, their first home together. He had said they’d take care of one another, and he’d been right. Neither one of them could make it alone, not through tests like this. In her hard times, Tanji was there as her foundation, when he needed comfort she was right there. Now that both of them had fallen so far and so hard, they each needed the other to climb out.

Kino padded down the dark hallway, peering around the corner. She hadn’t bothered to check the time, but by the darkness it was early in the morning, before dawn. Tanji was sitting on the window alcove, like he often did, bathed in a gentle glow from a moon low in the sky, drifting slowly toward setting.

The silvered moonlight contrasted with the darkness of his hair, catching strands in the light, the only darkness in the room that responded so beautifully to the caressing shine. Tanji enjoyed sitting there, and it was one of his favorite places for the two of them. Kino blushed at that thought, creeping a little closer. Even when she crept close enough for her nightshirt to brush against his arm, he didn’t acknowledge her presence.

Kino turned and settled herself down on the little edge left beside him, tilting her head to catch his eyes with her gaze. Those ruby orbs seemed so wild, but with a touch of something familiar this time, something that had become less and less frequent. Within this shell, somewhere deep in there, the real Tanji was still lurking.

She lowered her eyes, gaze traveling down his chest, a sound catching in her throat at the severe angles of his ribs, the sharp indent of his stomach. His shorts barely clung to his hips, baring even the tattoo on his hip. She slipped her hand around his right hip, thumb tracing over the design there. He’d jumped slightly at being touched, but less than he often did.

“Why did you… get out of bed?” Kino asked softly.

“Had a dream,” Tanji whispered, weakly.

“Tell me about it?” she looked up at his eyes, blinking slowly.

“This… pretty little boy child walked up to me… middle of darkness. His hair was just like yours, his eyes. He had something in his hands, something that sparkled and glinted so you couldn’t see it,” Tanji cupped his hands as if he were holding water in both palms. “He said, ‘Precious are the wings of protection. Sacred are the ashes of resurrection’. Then I woke up… scared I think.”

Kino blinked, trying to figure that out, but lack of sleep prevented a great deal of serious thinking. She slipped her hands beneath his, still held out like they were, closing them together between hers. She scooted closer.

“Tanji… you told me… that we’d take care of each other. Do you remember that?” she asked so softly, blushing, feeling lightheaded.

Tanji blinked up at her, dragging himself from the thoughts of the dream, flitting through the disorganized mess in his head. Things were not as they should have been, nothing in place, nothing easily found. But he found it, it just took a minute. He nodded slowly, “I remember… our first night here.”

Kino blushed even deeper, indicating the ledge on which they say, “And how we…”

Tanji smiled just a little bit, eyes intent upon their hands, “Yeah… I remember that too. It was a… good night.”

“You always come up with songs, you always sing something to say how you’re feeling. Why can’t you do that now? I… like your singing, I miss it.”

Tanji’s lips pressed more harshly together into a firm line, pain stabbing through his features. Kino reached and cupped a cheek in one hand, fingers playing with soft strands of black hair. He leaned into the touch, breaths turning ragged with suppressed emotion.

“Just one song… please,” she asked so softly, gently urging him forward. It took time, but he gradually leaned toward her until his head rested against her chest.

“If I could tell the world just one thing it would be that we're all okay, and not to worry cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. I won't be made useless, I wont be idled with despair, I will gather myself around my faith, for light does the darkness most fear. My hands are small, I know, but they're not yours they are my own…”

“They're not yours they are my own… and I am never broken,” Kino joined him, just holding him there against her, rocking in the moonlight, just the two of them.

~*~*~*~*~

“Kino?” Kesu’s gentle, near-feminine voice made her turned around.

Kino smiled at the kitsune, turning her attention back to where it had been. Her friend stood beside her, also watching for a quiet moment. It was a wonderfully gentle summer afternoon, still fairly comfortable even at the height of the day, and now even getting a little chilly as the sun began to set.

“How are things going with him?” Kesu asked.

Kino sighed, watched Tanji stand there on the bridge spanning the pond, gazing at the water. “Well… he wanted to come here.”

“I’d take that as a step from hiding at home,” the kitsune nodded. “I’ve thought over a few things,” he took a few steps down the knoll where Kino was standing, turning and blinking at her.

“What about?” Kino noted Kesu in her vision, but stayed watching Tanji.

“About how this could happen.”

“Oh?” her amber eyes shifted onto the silver-haired boy.

Kesu nodded, he now turning and looking across the near side of the pond at Tanji. “One of Tanji’s wishes his entire life was to be rid of the phoenix and the jagan… right?”

Kino nodded when those jade eyes sought a reply from her. Kesu blushed and bowed his head. “Well… one of my wishes my entire life was… to ‘have’ Tanji.”

Kino shuddered, visibly, unable to stop herself. It hadn’t been that long ago that Tanji had returned from a mission to Makai, supposedly with Kesu, broken and bruised. He’d been raped by someone who had turned out to be Aya posing as Kesu, evidently some sort of manifestation of Aya’s ability to take someone’s deepest desire and make it come true.

“You think… Aya could do this?” Kino blinked.

Kesu nodded, gazing back out across the water, not even seeing Tanji this time. “I know it sounds impossible, to take Tanji’s phoenix…”

“It certainly does,” Kino interjected.

“We don’t know the extent of Aya’s power, we really don’t,” Kesu stepped back up the knoll, standing in front of her. “We leave him alone, let him stay just out there,” he vaguely indicated the surrounding woods, “we never really question what he can do. He’s said the power is beyond his control, and maybe it is that strong.”

Kino shuddered again, vision lost to the imagery, “My gods…”

“And we wonder why he isolates himself, why he never wants to be touched. Perhaps the desires pass to him through touch, and he knows that, but can’t control it after that. Even months later the desires could manifest themselves through his power, like mine… like Tanji’s.”

Kino blinked away tears, gazing at Tanji. He had wished to be rid of the phoenix and the jagan, many times… and he himself had admitted his wish had come true and he now regretted it. Kesu’s morbid desire had come true in a way through Aya, he had shared Tanji’s memories of the incident, had felt everything Tanji had gone through. Guilt was removed from Kesu, scars added to Tanji, but blame placed on Aya. For something that horrible, that situation had really happened the best it could have, Tanji and Kesu were closer than ever because there wasn’t that hidden secret there.

And if this had been Aya once more, and Tanji’s gifts could be returned to him, he would no longer regret having them. He already regretted having ever wished them gone.

“Where’s Aya?” Kino asked sharply, rather more sharply than she had intended.

Kesu bowed his head again, “I’m going out now to look for him. I’ll talk to him, see if this is true and if it is, have the magic released. Then I’m going to get him some help so hopefully this won’t happen again.”

The halfling felt herself seething, rage a palpable barrier of heat around her. Kesu gently touched her shoulder, “This isn’t really Aya’s fault, we can’t just punish him and hope he won’t do it again. True some wicked desire in him fuels this, but essentially it’s beyond his control.”

“I still want to hurt him,” she answered.

Kesu nodded, “And we did, once… but it didn’t solve anything. I’m going to try and solve it this time… I can’t stand Tanji being hurt again. Take care of him… take care of yourselves right now, let me worry about Aya.”

Kino took a deep breath and nodded, watching Kesu step away from the clearing surrounding the pond and into the darkening woods. She padded slowly through the grass toward Tanji, her steps echoing as her little feet hit the bridge. Tanji looked up from what he’d been looking at, something in his hands. She sidled up beside him and smiled softly, seeing the little blinking firefly in his palm.

“I felt Kesu,” Tanji whispered, almost beyond the range of hearing.

Kino made a quiet noise of affirmation, slipping her arm around his waist. “That’s a… beautiful firefly,” of course she didn’t mean that literally, she’d learned to speak in his metaphors.

“Even without her… they glow… so bright. Light, does the darkness most fear,” he nodded slowly.

Kino smiled softly and trailed a touch along his arm, bandaged like it had been for years now. She gently pushed his fingers a little more open to let the firefly go, nuzzling against his cheek. “Yes, they still glow without her.”

A silver streak from across the far expanse of the pond in front of them made them both look up. It was Kesu, running at full tilt from the northern woods, making a direct line toward the Temple proper. His silver hair trailed out behind him, catching the last lights of the sunset.

“Tanji! Kino! The temple is under attack! They’re coming through the Gate!” Kesu pelted his way across the clearing, somehow managing to get his voice to carry over the distance.

Tanji moved quicker than Kino did, of course, the words hitting him first. In a black blur he surpassed Kesu easily. Kino bolted up the path as quickly as she could, tripping up the stairs just behind Kesu.

“Who is it!?” she demanded of the kitsune as he tossed her a staff.

“The Shadow Clan,” Kesu panted, dodging back into the Gate Chamber.

Tyger was there, clearly visible despite the mass of youkai in the chamber, a purple and black flit punctuated by snarls and roars. Obliette, charged with keeping the Gate secured, was pressed in the corner focused on the swirling doorway to Makai, trying desperately to shut it. His face was drawn in concentration, Kesu going to his side immediately and channeling his ki as well into the Gate, trying to counter the magic from the other side that was allowing all these youkai to get through.

Kino yelped and jumped to one side, blasting the youkai that had surprised her with a telekinetic force that slammed him into the unyielding wall. Her eyes searched desperately through the fray for Tanji. There was Lane, a beautiful white ribbon of graceful but deadly movement. Damn, the Koorime did know how to fight.

The whirlwind in the chamber suddenly died as if it had never been, Obliette and Kesu having slammed the locks back down into place. It kept however many more there had been out, but left them to deal with this many. Kino slammed another youkai down with her staff, trying to catch Ty’s attention, but the Jujin was engrossed in fighting. Kesu snatched up another staff and dove into the fight, vanishing among the bodies.

Kino glanced to her right, noticing something dark rebounding off the wall. It was a Jujin move, surprising to the opponent and therefore often deadly. The room was thinning with exceptional speed, youkai falling all around. Ty was snarling fiercely, easily singled out among the rest of the noise, thoroughly enjoying herself. Kino pulled back, panting and leaning against the back wall, finally finding Tanji’s little form across the chamber as the last of the youkai fell. Tyger was whining about there not being anymore youkai to whoop up on.

Kesu stepped over the fallen attackers and conversed with Obliette, obviously worried, no doubt demanding to know what had happened, seeing if they were safe. Ty wandered about poking the bodies, making sure there was no one left to torment. Kesu motioned them toward the door, gathering there.

“You guys go home, we’ll clean this up,” Kesu sighed.

“What the hell happened?” Kino demanded.

“Yeah I thought the girl over there was spose to keep us safe,” Ty nodded toward Obliette.

Kesu nodded, “The locks fell, he doesn’t know why and neither do I. I’ll just stay here more often… I did get neglectful, trusted him too much to do what is supposed to be my job for the time being.”

“Are you sure you can handle this mess?” Lane asked softly.

“No problem,” Kesu smiled, “I’ve seen much worse. We managed to close the Gate before most of them got through, and they lost quite a few when the Road collapsed. This wasn’t a very organized attack, no doubt a small faction of the Shadow, probably insignificant.”

“Not in the fact they almost invaded Ningenkai,” Kino scolded.

Kesu looked defeated, making her regret her words slightly, he didn’t need this sort of stress. The kitsune was already blaming himself, no need for anyone else to help him with that. He reached out and gripped Tanji’s shoulder. “Go get some rest, everything is fine here.”

“Bummer,” Tyger slouched and flounced out the door behind Lane.

Kino gently entwined her arm with Tanji’s, breaking him from his daze. “Come on, Tanji, let’s go home.”

Tanji nodded vaguely and melded against her, letting her lead him, as if totally removed from the real world.

~*~*~*~*~

Kino half-heartedly flipped the pages of a book, her eyes moving over the text, but not really reading. She couldn’t concentrate, felt the sadness creeping in again. Everything seemed to spark a memory, thoughts of Yotaka, and a fear that nothing would be the same again.

Tanji was still sleeping, it was early morning. He’d actually slept through the night, held her, talked to her, wiped away her tears when she cried. He’d cried a little himself, but they had comforted each other. Today was almost, she dared to think, normal. Kino getting up early, letting him sleep in, yes relatively normal.

Kino glanced up, noticing a movement at the end of the hallway. It was still earlier than Tanji usually got up, but Kino was thankful with these thoughts and feelings of despair threatening to overwhelm her again.

Tanji was kneeling beside the couch a moment later, laying his head against her arm. She slowly moved to cradle her book against her upraised knees and crossed her free arm across her stomach to caress his face. Her eyes wandered, following the path of black strands of hair down the undecorated flesh of his back. It was still so strange.

Tanji’s pretty red eyes perceived the worry and sadness in her expression, his eyes shifting as if to mirror those feelings. He reached up and caressed her cheek, then circled his arms around her shoulders and pulled himself up to sit beside her on the couch. Kino curled against his chest, hiding herself in the warmth there, letting herself be comforted by the determined heartbeat within. It was a determined heart, maybe that was why listening to it always comforted her, it kept going despite everything that had happened, and just refused to be beaten.

“I promised I’d take care of you, remember?” Tanji whispered against her ear, tucking stray strands of crimson back.

Kino blinked away tears, a little smiling touching her lips. She’d told him precisely that not very long ago. “Yes I remember.”

“See… so everything’s gonna be okay, angel… And, the phoenix brought me a dream,” he said rather like a proud toddler.

Kino sat up, blinking at him in confusion and curiosity. “What… Tanji… the phoenix brought you a dream?”

Tanji nodded, “From Yotaka-san.”

She stiffened, blinking more rapidly. Tanji, had he gone insane? No, those eyes were as clear as ever, perfectly intelligent in appearance. “Tanji…”

Tanji smiled and brushed back a few more strands of hair, “She told me to tell you to stop grieving, she’s okay, and we know that better than anyone else.”

“That sounds like something she’d say,” Kino’s voice broke.

Tanji gathered her to his chest again, comforting her. “Stop, she doesn’t want us to be unhappy. Besides, angel, she’s going to come back pretty soon.”

“Come… back?” Kino didn’t have the strength to pull away again.

“Hai… Reikai is going to let her come back… like we remember her when we were really little. She told me that. We’re gonna see her again like when we were kids, she’ll get a whole ‘nother lifetime, or even more. She told me why too, because the next Temple Keeper isn’t ready yet, or the one destined… did something to change their fate. Reikai’s all confused… she laughed about it.”

“So… why didn’t she come to me?”

“Because… you’re too wrapped up in the grief, you wouldn’t let her in.”

Kino managed a smile. Yes, that was so very like Yotaka, and certainly within her and Reikai’s powers. “When is she coming back?”

“A few months, Reikai takes forever to process paperwork.”

Kino burst into giggles with him, hugging him tight and crying now with happy tears. “That’s not very long.”

“See… everything be fine. And we can make it anyway, we’re tough Kiro kids.”

“That’s right,” Kino smiled, “raised by the best.”

“And she told me why the phoenix is gone.”

Kino forced herself to sit up, blinking her eyes wide, “Why?” she nearly demanded, breathless.

Tanji sighed, looking down for a moment, as if this were hard to say. “Somehow… you told the phoenix to leave.”

Kino blinked, repeated the words over and over to herself, “Me???”

Tanji nodded slowly. “It was Aya’s power that subconsciously drove you to do it, but you’re the only one with the power to actually make it go. But you can make it come back, just by releasing the spell.”

“Tanji… there’s no way I could ever… phoenix companions can only be controlled by someone of…” she blinked.

Tanji smiled and nodded again, “A descendant of the Phoenix Clan.”

Kino jumped to her feet, pacing around the living room. “No way, I can’t be… Phoenix Clan? They’re all dead!”

Tanji settled back against the couch, carefully closing the book she’d dropped in her haste, setting it on the table. “They’re rumored to be all dead… doesn’t mean they are.”

“And even if I am… I’m half human too. There’s no way I could have enough power…”

He looked at his hands, opening them to cup a small flame in his palms. “I never thought I’d have the power to do this. I don’t regret the lesson I’ve learned, the lessons actually. I took the phoenix and the jagan for granted, complained about them, wished they were gone. And even losing them, I learned how to control something I never thought I had in me, and I learned much better how to handle my mind. And you know that I’m only half youkai.”

Kino stopped pacing and blinked at him, gazing up at her with those beautifully intelligent eyes. He was right. Both of them were incredibly powerful magic-users, half blooded or not, they had gifts and secrets and no doubt a purpose to their lives. She closed her eyes and sought deep within herself, feeling that core of energy, yes, a subconscious spell buried deep. She’d been binding the phoenix into a banishment, and now she dispelled it.

“What about the Jagan?” she opened her eyes and asked softly.

“When the phoenix returns, Aya’s power will be released, because he needed your power to contain that part of his spell. The Jagan will come back with the phoenix.”

Kino sat back down beside him, shaking her head, “I can’t believe… Phoenix Clan…” she was so confused, and yet… happy that she knew something about her past.

Tanji gathered her against him once more, taking a deep breath and loving her scent, always so wonderful. “But it makes sense, me a Dragon Clan bearing a phoenix companion, and you able to control it.”

Kino sighed with fake exasperation, “Sometimes this Fate stuff is really annoying.”

“Cliché I know,” Tanji giggled and kissed her cheek.

“So… can we go do the cliché thing and kick Aya’s skinny ass for doing this again?” Kino laughed, amazed at her own good cheer. And just a few minutes ago she’d been so consumed by her own sadness, how ironic. But Yotaka would be back, the phoenix and the Jagan would return to Tanji, everything would be fine.

“How about we do something else cliché,” he nuzzled against her neck.

“Hmm, what’s that?” she closed her eyes and sighed happily.

Tanji didn’t tell her, but he picked her up very gently and carried her back to the bedroom to show her – without one word of protest from her.

~*~*~*~*~

“Brrr,” Tanji murmured in irritation, shivering and cuddling up to Kino.

A moment later he blinked awake, sitting up slightly, sharply enough to wake Kino. She groaned and blinked her amber eyes open, rubbing them and looking up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m cold,” Tanji declared with all amounts of aggravation.

“Hmm, so?” Kino blinked again, yawning.

Tanji settled back down, half on top of her, grumbling and pulling the comforter over his shoulders. The two of them looked closer, then smiled at each other. Kino pulled the comforter tight around his flame-marked shoulders and held him close, tracing gentle fingers over the Jagan to her own relief.

“I’ll keep you warm, Tanji, promise.”

“Hn… I’ve missed this,” he smiled and yawned, closing his eyes.

“Remember… she told us to hold onto each other,” Kino smiled even as a tear slipped down her cheek. They were afraid, but they would hang onto each other…

… and they’d make it.



~*~*~*~*~

Index