In the light of day

Epilogue to Nightmare

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Tanji and Kesu walked the Temple gardens, like they often had after school when they were younger. They had done so every day since Tanji’s ‘incident’ in Makai nearly a month ago. They walked in silence, their feet knowing the path by instinct, walking side by side. But today the silence wasn’t enough.

“Ya know… Kes, I have ta be perfectly honest with ya,” Tanji chewed on his lip, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say. “There… I wish… there’s a part of me that wishes it… had been you.”

Kesu stopped moving completely, honestly shocked speechless. His large jade eyes blinked at his little friend. He couldn’t come up with a single thing to say.

Tanji bowed his head, knowing the question in the kitsune’s gaze, thinking on how to answer. “Kesu… I thought it had been you. And while I was relieved that it wasn’t… I wish now that it had been. It’s just somethin… it was somethin too horrible to share with anyone but… you.”

Kesu realized what he was saying, blinking back tears.

“I’m not saying I enjoyed it… of course I didn’t, the thought of it still makes me sick” Tanji couldn’t help but throw in a tinge of defensiveness, “I love Kino…”

“Of course,” Kesu encouraged softly, settling down upon a stone wall.

Tanji met his gaze, looking infinitely sad. “If it had been you I… I would forgive you.”

Kesu caught a silent sob in his throat, forcing it down. “Would you forgive me even if I… even if I had thought… of just taking you like that?”

Tanji did not hesitate to answer, with all sincerity, “Yes.”

Kesu couldn’t contain the sob, covering his face with both hands, entire body bending forward. For how many years had the kitsune fought that very urge? For how long had he argued against the old Youko instinct to just take what was needed? All because Tanji was his friend, his dearest friend and nothing more. Kesu loved Tanji so much he had denied his own true fox demon nature, nearly five hundred years of upbringing, and he still felt guilty that he had even conceived of the thought in the first place.

It was as if Aya had taken the desire and twisted it into reality. And here it was, one of Kesu’s darkest secrets, out in the open… and Tanji was forgiving him.

Kesu felt those strong arms around his shoulders, tangled in his hair, callused little fingers brushing away tears. The kitsune leaned into his smaller friend, curling and balancing on the narrow stone of the garden wall, trying not to weep too forcefully. There was no way he could stop the tears completely, better to just control it and let it out.

The most horrible of betrayals, and Tanji had forgiven him. Kesu felt suddenly as if a great weight had been lifted from him, a burden he no longer had to carry. And then it struck him, this almost seemed like Aya had done this… on purpose???

Kesu blinked up at Tanji, taking deep breaths to still the crying. Tanji had been on the same line of thought, he didn’t even need to read Kesu’s features, let alone his thoughts. They blinked at one another curiously, each trying to figure it out.

And as if in answer, a pure white feather danced in the air.



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Nightmare
Index