Not Grown Up Yet

Calm is copyrighted to Sallie Drazzi

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Mizumi grunted and growled, digging his heels into the dirt, struggling against the rope to lift the weight on the other side. He HAD to do this, he had to, had to prove he was strong and could do this.

He thrashed his tail, ears pinned back, teeth bared, no doubt looking like a feral little animal. There were tears flowing from his eyes, but they mingled with the sweat, so it was okay.

But no matter how hard the little Kou pulled, he couldn't move that weight.

And he couldn't stop crying.

Finally he stood there, leaned back on the taut rope, head down, eyes closed, shaking with weakness from all that exertion. His body so desperately wanted to collapse, but something held it up. Then he startled, a hand folding over his.

He glared up at the hand's owner, insulting and enraged at this intrusion.

"I don't need your help!" Mizumi declared assertively.

"Kiddo..." Calm knelt down, not pulling on the rope, but not removing his hand either, "Why are you doing this?"

"I can do this! I can! I'm strong!"

"Mizumi, you weigh less than that weight... you're only a child-"

"NO!" Mizumi exploded, shaking his head adamantly.

"Why are you so insistent on acting so grown up? You should be enjoying your childhood."

"What about discipline? The rules? What about every time I turn around I've done something wrong and you never praise any of the good things only punish me for the bad things and it's all about training!"

"You wanted it to be all about training."

"Then stop telling me to enjoy my childhood! Notta child, I'm a rookie."

"Mizumi... you're my son. This is too much too soon for you-"

"I can handle it!"

"No, you can't, and you shouldn't have to. You're pushing everyone away, turning everything into anger, making everything a fight... I hate seeing that. Yes I want you to follow after me and get better than me... but it can wait, and it's certainly not going to come at the cost of you being happy."

"Don't... don't take it away from me..." Mizumi sobbed suddenly, sheer, undeniable sadness breaking through the anger. "Please..."

"No no, 'zumi, not all of it, still some rules and some training, but not like this. You need to relax some, play, stop fighting and being angry..."

"I can't stop... everything... it just does..."

"It's easy, it's energetic and movement and accomplishing something to have anger driving you... I know, and it's become habit. But look here, all these tears, they've been wanting to come out," Calm caressed Mizumi's cheek tenderly. "You need to cry more often, it's okay."

"It's weak..."

"No... no kiddo it's not, hiding behind anger all the time is weak, and it eats at you. Come here," the pink-haired Force gathered Mizumi into his arms, ignoring the stiffening and resistance the boy attempted. "Shhh... just cry it out."

Mizumi eventually relaxed, curling up against Calm's chest and sobbing, hands at first clenched into angry fists becoming more clinging, desperate for that strength to stay there. He listened to Calm's heartbeat, his breathing, was soothed by rocking and gentle murmurs. Other emotions came with the sadness, a sense of security he'd been lacking of late, a love for his father who had chosen to be his father, a need to be held - all those childish feelings he'd shoved down so deeply, and yet had struggled without them.

"Can't run on anger alone, kiddo... you'll run right into the ground... can't let you do that... I can't... you can be angry at me whenever you want, but you can't be angry all the time, there's other things in there, right?"

Mizumi nodded, "Yeah... other things... just... tried to forget..."

"Tried to grow up too fast. It's okay, we'll get through this."

Mizumi nodded again, wiping his face against his arm and hugging Calm, "Daddy..."

He totally forgot about the weight and the rope.





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